Time Will Tell.
Life isn't easy.
Life hasn't always been that hard to live in.
Moderate.
So why do people run away from life?
Is that the only choice that we have?
Running?
I doubt so.
We shall start off with building the steps. Plan it like architects, and build it. Use it and take the steps, we set our own rules. Sometimes, no matter how organized we are, we fail to achieve what we've planned for. No matter how perfect the plan is.
I don't know what I'm doing 6am in the morning, I just can't put myself to sleep, these eyes won't shut, this mind won't stop thinking. What's bothering me? I don't even know it either. Heh.
So many things happened, so many lessons learnt, how do I start then?
If someone happens to read this post, and I'm sorry for not being able to reach you and apologize. No, ego isn't supposed to be the first thing you should think of when you think of me. I'm just avoiding any possibilities that might happen. I'm just trying to make peace. Had enough of the fights and arguments. I wish we can settle down nicely. I doubt it's THAT nice, I wish we can talk things out. Not to bring back the past. I don't think so.
I'm sorry for ruining your life, not to mention that I thought it wasn't supposed to end this way. I'm sorry to put you into lots of troubles but I supposed you'd say that we were in that together. I'm sorry for the stupid fights and arguments that we had, but letting go or even leaving someone that you really love is hard. In this case, someone you really loved. Years (to my surprise), months, weeks and days. They fly so fast. The least that I can wish for is to bring back the good term.
It's pointless to say that I regret what I've said or done to you. After you left, I took years to understand where I've been wrong. I disagree when you say "first love is memories". No, first love is where you learn from mistakes, and try to improve yourself and find the better; one who suits the new you. It's not just about memories, it's also about learning. Understanding life better.
Now that I understand more about life, I understand what's exactly "give and take". I understand more about "listen and stop talking". I realise how important it is to show your appreciation towards others. Cause silence kills (not really, though). I don't want to be a judge who judges my own-self. I also don't need you to come back to see how far have I improved. But I hope that I've really changed for the better.
=)
People might not understand the hard times I went through, REALLY HARD. Heh. But I've succeeded. :) not really, but I've achieved certain level of hardwork along the way. We want our life to be the way we dream of it, but it's not always true.
And thanks to you. :) I'm so much of a better person now.
Too much already, scared I've gone too far.
I love you, sweetheart. No, not talking about the past. :) today, present day. I'm in love with a different person from my past. I've always believed that, true love comes only once in lifetime. Put aside my strong belief (cause they say if you stop believing then things will stop happening), so I've stopped believing.
You came to me empty-handed. I wished I could remain faithful to my first love. But, no. I was stuck between the one who left me empty-handed and the one who's coming to me empty-handed. Confusing enough? Hahah. You came when I had nothing, I was empty, broken, heartless, 'love-less'. And you came with smile and laughter. I thought it was temporary. Part-time joker and full-time chat buddy. Like, it's funny how you used to be a stranger to me, and now, you're the world to me. :) everything, my everything.
It took me 2 months, 2 months to fall for you. I kept it inside, deep inside cause I was too scared to have a second rebound! HAHA. Ok, funny. -.- but, nothing you did tears me apart, nothing you said that never put smiles on my face. You're the light that shines. The trellis that shelter people from the rain.
And I'm in love with you. :) I still do. Back then, 9 months ago, I thought I was a fool. You'll never love me back, you won't stay that long, and etc. But you've proven me wrong, right? ;) you've changed. I'm thankful, proud of you. I've never met anyone like you before, you're strong enough to change almost your entire life for the one you love. I never forced you, never insisted, but .. :) I love you.
Ok, my head is spinning, off to sleep now. Meeting you later. Resident Evil in 3D and, I bet, spending time together after the very busy preparation for exams and raya? Ok, love.
P/S: I'm sorry, but past is past. I can do nothing to change that. You too. All of us, we can't do anything. :)
